1. |
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Couldn’t wait to be alone, sweat the months away; instead I’ll let down my hopes and freeze my bones in Philadelphia waiting by the phone. Fancy being let down, frightened by the sound of another year away.
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2. |
True Romance (216)
03:46
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And what you don’t know is that I’m three months too late for eviction. I burned it all down, even your falling down house, lit it up kerosene night bright. And what you didn’t see was that I’m coming early for detention. I tore it all up, even your funeral pictures into little pieces. Do you miss, do you miss your dead friends? Could you see it coming, all your little losses? Wishing it was over, did you see the end of us from the end of the world? Don’t watch me watch you through the window. Don’t touch me as I touch you. I want your body in pieces, pack me up, don’t say my name. I’m taking a slice of you. Don’t touch me when I touch you.
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3. |
Favorite Actor (145)
03:53
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You’re a light-skinned beautiful man, thin shadows on your lips, black hair slightly curling. You’re a goodhearted, good-looking man, eyeliner on your lids, dark hair, deep stare. Don’t care about lust/trust/us, just care about love/you with us. You are me, only better. We are you, your imperfect double vision. You’re in me carved in ink. I’m with you screaming ‘yes!’ on a ballot sheet. I want to vote for you/I want to live for you; I want to pierce my skin/I want to trade my skin. I want to tear down money, tongues, everything. This is not class revolt. This is just the class told that this is not real life. It’s just a film badly told. Take my hair. Take my blood. Take my feet/arms. Take the temple cart through the streets. Take us for a ride. Take everything we got. Give us a grain of rice. We will use it to build you your empire of adulation, emulation, and endless desiring of us and you with us and you. An endless spiral of love.
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4. |
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Can’t find a reason to say no, to be alone. Because tonight here it’s raining. It’s even darker than you know. And in the half-light you’re fading into tomorrow. There’s every reason to let go of all the reasons to say no. And you’re the reason that it’s so cold. Where apologies become meaningless. Beyond right thought is where right action becomes beautiful and so confusingly ambiguous to cold reason. Like stars as a measurement of distance between our bodies. As rain and sweat collect on our lips.
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5. |
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Landlocked, off maps, we’re speaking American English, we’re spending American cash. In American urban town hot coffee poured, an ex-American girl wonders, ‘Is this what she signed up for?’ Old dreams of red square never felt so far away. But we go where the party is. Yeah we go where we’re needed. So, across fabricated sidewalks (what is to be done?) to your imposter apartment (what is to be done with us?) sprawled across your imitation bed littered with microfilm, what is to be done? What is to be done with us? Maybe we’ll see each other again years later in a place thousands of miles away. But I won’t give a sign, and you won’t give a sign because we’ve been too well trained to lose it now. We’re wearing American clothes, telling American jokes, four seasons in winter snow, is this what we signed up for? We’re living an American lie, acting out for all the spies. Shoplifting American stores, is this what we joined the revolution for? In American urban town hot coffee poured, an ex-American girl wonders, ‘Is this what she joined the revolution for?’ ‘Is this what we joined the revolution for?’ ‘What did we join the revolution for?’
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6. |
Make It Real (303)
04:03
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Make it real. Make us feel. Make us make it. Don’t let us fake it, don’t let us wake up. Make it real. Make us feel. Don’t make us fake it. Don’t let us take it, don’t let us wait up. New head; new heart; new veins with red, red blood. New meds; new moods; new white, white bones.
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7. |
Partners (286)
03:36
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Eyes rolled back, glass bottomed I found myself upside down. I thought I did every right thing just to be left alone. A red-haired Prometheus stealing justice with righteousness, the best partner a drunk could ask for. A stuttering lover’s breast. I’ll cover your secret just let me be your conscience, just let me be your confidence. Reach out to me. Your secret is out. You/I let your secret out. Eyes rolled back, glass bottomed I found myself upside down. The best partner a drunk could ask for. The best drunk a drunk could ask for.
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8. |
Whisky and Wine (253)
02:35
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Change in choice, close the bedroom door. Could you breathe one minute more? Shut the lamps and lights to glow, let’s not try to care anymore. Dead boys, and dead bodies. Dead boys serve us whiskey and wine that lets us sleep, that lets us speak our fake last breaths. Strange screams and strange dreams, unobtained needs, subdued silence, frozen images speak: ‘Let’s try not to try anymore. Let’s try not to need anymore. Let’s try not to care anymore about our dead bodies.’ Was it you on the hood of the car, two pieces speech? Was it you on the hood of the car, two-faced speak?
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9. |
Photo Club (278)
03:09
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Join the line. Take my hand. Hold my fists full of coins spent on me spent on you. Take off your clothes. Shut the curtain. Tell the kids to play, take pictures and play (middle-)class [all night] and/all day. Take off all your clothes. Turn the light. Tell your man to stay and take pictures and play the pimping pimp all day. Make that coin. Make them come back and back again on your back again.
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10. |
An Affair (282)
04:22
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I caught you in a secret. You heard me say three lies. You heard me cry ‘apart’ three times. Let me do the right thing by you. Let me tell you all the reasons I’m wrong and you’re right (for another man), another time/just this time. Your caught me in our secret. You heard me say it at least three times. You heard me say I can’t say no until you say it first, until you really mean it. I pulled back, and said your name. You let blood out and said the same. You pulled back to spit my name. You let everything hang out (you let me hold out). Let us be unhappy but safe. Let us be tearless but alone. Let us be alone.
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11. |
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No regret for love you left, for friends you met whose names you forget, for time well spent on those who are dead, in time you let the blood confess. Write his life story on your body, lock his love inside your throat and catch his memory with a razorblade and clean hands. Retract your words and we will celebrate it. This machine is broken down and outdated. Within the span of your last heartbeat, a second hand clock tick. It’s over, it’s all over. Love is a memory. In time a blood confession. Hold your chest when you sleep, you’ll write the story of his love. If you love her, listen, just listen.
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12. |
The Same Ailment (258)
03:25
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My step daughter cries from the same ailment. Sorry sorry SARS. In the modern era of biological terror bird flu reigns, in the modern era of biological error the bird flu reigns supreme.
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13. |
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You see the patterns, movements, and failures. We will be the last thing that could ever happen and be forgotten. The structure will suffer. The structure will suffer in subtle degrees. And in inequity of memories. And I scream fire and you bleed rust. You whisper secrets that unwind this clenching body, red lips, and whorled muscles the way it’s always been. If our hands fall in between patterns of past tense, these participating memories, never rendered, will never be destroyed.
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14. |
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Remember faces as license plates, and cities as interstates, and all the rest leftovers drowning in the middle of telephone stadium resurrects the glory spent days. Of spinning topwater creeks and honeysuckle greenhouses, cause feelings became sparse and scarcity for real estate. Champions pilgrimage, to the backwater towns that we laughed at a few years back. Our actions broke ground for the puddle jumping mayhem of the modern American city.
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15. |
Marry Me Up (247)
04:46
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Don’t put/let us down, we’ve been everywhere/nowhere but down. Could you let us take water with/wives from you? Could you let us break bread with/ranks from you? Trade our sisters up. Give our gifts up. Take us up with you. When we bonded we were not ourselves. Don’t out us because we can’t keep the lines that keep apart. They were blurry and not fixed anyway. Why would you cast us out? They said, then we said: forever 1, 2, 3; ranked 1, 2, 3; static, stagnant, you seduced me; you are polluted, un-free; tried and tested on me. It’s not that easy. Could you try and understand? It’s not that easy to stop being one’s self all over again when you just found your real self all over again. We are dead again. We are out of the ranks again. We are forgotten in our kin’s eyes. They said, then we said: forever 1, 2, 3; ranked 1, 2, 1-2-3; you seduced me. They said, they said: you are polluted, un-free; you are tried and tested on me; you are dead still; you’re alone now.
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16. |
Research (288)
02:37
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I'm waiting for you to sign your name. I'm waiting for seven small explosions to delay. I'm waiting anxiously to record all you say. I'm waiting tirelessly to make it through the day. Let me sit and ask. Let me drink and fake and turn what you say into paper trails and money sales that make me make it through the day. I'm waiting. I'm patient. I'm someone you can trust to be. I'm staging the nation for someone you believe to be. I'm patient and waiting for someone who can trust me. I'm waiting and patient for someone you can make me be. Let me be your voice. Let me be your face on page. Let me be your mouth. Let me make it through your day.
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17. |
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We’ve seen too many hours, we outstretch shaking hands. Three fingers to paradise, two fingers for sound. We appear as tiny objects, embracing as we stand. Can we still feel if we want to do it over again? Two states draw parallels as we spin arms are reaching, never again. Municipal phosphorescent life.
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A Study in Her Chicago, Illinois
ASiH is Constantine Nakassis, with Philip Apostol, Andrew Black, Tamara Black, Lucas Carscadden, Julie Cousin, Shakthisree Gopalan, Michael Guggino, Alex Hedstrom, Judith Kaplan, Fluke Lemming, Magda Nakassis, Kyung Nan-Koh, Mike Mikowicz, Jonathon Moser, Justin Moyer, Elsie Muñiz, Kedarnath Sairam, Pavan Segal ... more
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